"Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?"

Paradise by the Dashboard Light 

"What was the turning point of the Revolutionary War?"

This question was posed  during an Amercian economic history class. Feeling as if I were a Jeopardy contestant with the right answer, I offered that winning the Battle of Saratoga convinced the French the revolutionaries could win the war so they joined the Americans as a way of fighting their old nemesis the British.

The professor was not impressed and continued " What were the events that turned the Battle of Saratoga?" or rather Why Did Burgoyne surrender?  I had no idea. I was embarrassed and my classmates were slinking away from me as if ignorance were contagious. I responded that I was vague on the details but would have a comprehensive answer for the next class. I escaped further embarrassment while assuming the responsibility to report on the events leading up to the battle of Saratoga and the British surrender( which by the way is quite interesting). But I did learn a valuable lesson- knowing “the what” is not enough. You have to dig deeper for the why.

But digging deeper into events can open up other doors as we try to explain an event . Conspiracy theories develop to help explain actions that may have been carried out by powerful players in the background. Conspiracy theorists believe nothing happens by accident,  nothing is as it seems and everything is connected.

Conspiracy  #1 :  The Kennedy Assassination

The Grassy Knoll

This much we can stipulate: President John F. Kennedy was assassinated on Nov. 22, 1963, struck by two bullets — one in the head, one in the neck — while riding in an open-topped limo through Dealey Plaza in Dallas. Lee Harvey Oswald was charged with killing him, and a presidential commission headed by Chief Justice Earl Warren found that Oswald acted alone.

That conclusion hasn't passed muster with the public.  Much of the population believes Kennedy's death was the result of a broader plot. The trajectory of the bullets, some say, didn't square with Oswald's perch on the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. Others suggest a second gunman — perhaps on the grassy knoll of Dealey Plaza — participated in the shooting. Others believe in an even broader conspiracy. Was Kennedy killed by CIA agents acting either out of anger over the Bay of Pigs or at the behest of Vice President Lyndon Johnson? By KGB operatives? Mobsters mad at Kennedy's brother for initiating the prosecution of organized crime rings? Speculation over one of history's most famous political assassinations is such a popular parlor game that most people have taken the rumors to heart:  

One thing you probably don’t know about that day : Meatloaf was in attendance  in Dallas that day- see the concept of “everything is connected” – the quote to lead in the blog is from Meatloaf song “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” . And there is more !! !! The song was written by Jim Steinmen. Class of ’69 at Amherst College . The same college where the question about the turning point of the American revolution was posed …. everything is connected ….

 Conspiracy # 2: Area 51 and the Aliens

We may have Tang thanks to the space program, but who gave us such innovations as the Stealth fighter and Kevlar? Aliens, of course. Conspiracy theorists believe that the remains of crashed UFO spacecrafts are stored at Area 51, an Air Force base about 150 miles from Las Vegas, where government scientists reverse-engineer the aliens' highly advanced technology. Fodder for this has come from a variety of supposed UFO sightings in the area and testimony from a retired Army colonel who says he was given access to extraterrestrial materials gathered from an alien spacecraft that crashed in Roswell, N.M.

The government has developed advanced aircraft and weapons systems at nearby Nellis Air Force Base, including Stealth bombers and reconnaissance planes. And the government's official line — that the details of Area 51 are classified for purposes of national security — is only seen as further proof that the military is hiding aliens or alien spacecraft.

Wait – I will tie this all in with the Bachelor !

Conspiracy  # 3: Secret Societies Control the World

The Eye of Providence, the all-seeing eye of God, seen here on the US $1 bill, has been taken by some to be evidence of a conspiracy involving the founders of the United States and the Illuminati !

I have tried hard but have been unable to find a connection  between Ari and the illuminati– but do you think these guys would leave a trail?? I think not. But that does not mean they are not involved. They don't want you to know. 

Well unless you were on the space shuttle you have been bombarded with new stores about the “most dramatic finale in bachelor history”. But in case you have been locked in solitary confinement for the past week below  is  the abridged version of what happened.

The final two-who will Ari pick?

• Down to Becca and Lauren as the final two- Ari sends Lauren home and proposes to Becca.
•  A couple months later Ari breaks his engagement with Becca in a tearful drawn out breakup displayed live for Bachelor Nation because he has feelings for Lauren
• Ari goes to see  Lauren ( with whom he has been chatting) 
• Lauren greets Ari with a hug and seems happy to have Ari back
• Ari goes on with  Chris Harrison to plead guilty to following his heart
• Becca comes back looking great  ( say goodbye to this Ari !)  and says she is moving on while the audience has warms to her as if she liberated Europe from the Nazi's 
• Becca is named the new Bachelorette  while America cheers her on
• Ari proposes  to Lauren and promises to live happily ever after 

Ari Proposes to Becca

"I don't know if the producers let you keep the ring"  

The whole state of Minnesota wants Ari to leave 

Becca is devastated-Bachelor Nation watches in agony as Ari just hangs around and hangs around

And we're back ..Lauren shows more personality in an hour than all season

Let's propose to Lauren now 

Ladies and Gentlemen - Your new Bachelorette  Becca!

Becca's pals cheer her on 

Happily Ever after ....

On to next season--Becca has become everyone's sweetheart

Ok, I think we can agree that proposing to two different woman on back-to-back bachelor episodes is new ground for us. We can further agree there was a lot of media coverage and social media commentary-billboard even. I don't see any billboards for Ray Donavan or Homeland or even Billions . And ratings had to be high with all this attention. So all in all the network is must be happy.

So back to the opening of this recap: –we know the what now – how about the why?

Here is what I think happened :

We are a few weeks into the season and we have the following status:

• Ari is too bland to carry the show. Ratings are not going up
• Social media doesn't care enough about the chicks or Ari--- Bachelor Nation  isn’t tweeting   and postings -  there are no billboards urging Ari to give roses to any contestant 
• Ari seems smitten with Lauren and Becca is the only other one out of about 15 remaining  he  seems to even notice. Anyone watching would have to seed Lauren and Becca as the top two seeds- hence not much drama about who is going to make it to the next week
• Last years Bachelorette ratings were low – The producers  need a bachelorette for America to  root for to spur ratings
• Chris Harrison has been promoting this as a dramatic season but so far the only drama is can Bachelor Nation stay awake  

The staff producers gathered for their idea session:

We have the Executive producer and his staff of producers:

• The Baby Boomer
• The Millennial
• The Gen X’er
• The Intern Chick
• The Polling Person

 Exec Producer In charge : ( to his staff)  “People-  we all know the problems here- I need ideas -- ….   Go Big or Go home …  whaddya got for me ??

Baby Boomer : “How 'bout we bring the bachelorettes to the seashore- one goes out for a midnight swim and  gets eaten by a great white shark…. “

Exec Producer: ( sarcastically) “Have you seen any movies since 1975?"

The Polling Person:  "Bachelor Nation would like to see Krystal get  taken out by a shark."   

Gen X’er : “How ‘bout  Ari gets hit by a bus?”  All my favorite  movies have great scenes of characters getting hit by a bus."

Exec Producer : "You left out your generations Vampires and Zombies."

Millennial Producer: “How bout we turn Kendall into a Russian spy trying to coax secrets out of Ari?”

Exec Producer: “What possible secrets would Ari know – it takes him an hour to make minute rice “

Baby Boomer : “How ‘bout Lauren gets hit by a bus?”

Exec Producer:” Nah even that won’t get much of a reaction from her”

Millennial Producer: ( Hopefully)   “We can have the Bachelorettes pull out a consent form when Ari goes to kiss them”

Exec Producer: “Have you seen the show kid ?”

Baby Boomer :  "How about we bring the bachelorettes to the desert where they befriend an extra terrestrial  dubbed "T.T.", who is stranded on Earth. The bachelorettes and Ari help T.T. return to his home planet, while attempting to keep him hidden from their mother and the government?"

( and you didn’t think I would be able to reference the Aliens  after teeing them up )

Gen X’er: "How ‘bout Chris Harrison gets hit by a bus ?"

The Polling Person:  "Bachelor Nation  might like that."  

An air of desperation hits the room—nothing seems to strike a chord other than having the entire cast hit by a bus ….

The Intern Chick: “Why not just let Ari do what guys like him do?”

Everyone stops and listens....... 

The Intern Chick: “He is like 37. Those guys always make bad decisions and leave a trail of tears. It’s what they do.” 

Exec Producer: “Ok, so we just leave things as they are and he will create his own drama?”

The Polling Person: 'We know Ari cares a lot more about his feelings than his impact on others."

(Baby Boomer cringes)

The Intern Chick: “We can do a little to help things evolve, show Lauren in the worst possible light – make her devoid of personality-  show Becca in best possible light –  Chris can lean on Ari to pick Becca ( she'll make a great wife Ari!) even though we all know he craves Lauren. If Chris can sell Ari to pick Becca for the final rose - everything else falls into place."

    

GenX’er : So I guess this means we can’t have Becca hit by a bus ?

The Intern Chick:  He proposes to Becca and we all know that won’t last very long because Ari is Ari. He is going to want what he hasn't got - so we have a break up of the engagement that we can show live. Bachelor Nation will watch it all and feel terrible for Becca because we have painted her to be bright and shiny and a wonderful girl. Tears will be shed everywhere in Bachelor Nation.  She gets dumped and now everyone will root for her to find love after such a brutal experience and where else but as America’s Bachelorette. Ari is not the hero of this story  After that billboards will go up and social media will be ablaze- and the network can sell its adds and market the Bachelorette.

And that is how it all played out ....

We can’t say for sure if the Illuminati were behind all this or the Aliens or even Meatloaf. But nothing is as it seems while we gear up for the Bachelorette this summer.

This concludes our season and thank you for taking the journey with me.