"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" Shakespeare ( Romeo and Juliet)

Vanessa and Nick 

We open this week with our #2 seed Vanessa chatting with Nick. Vanessa is uncomfortable with Nick’s cavorting with Corinne. Vanessa challenges Nick the Weasel to declare if he is looking for a wife or someone to *play* with.  We know the weasel has no intention whatsoever of marrying Corinne but he surely does not want to give up his playtime either. Nick dials up the sincerity setting to HIGH and offers that he really cares what Vanessa thinks . Nick the weasel asks Vanessa to be patient with him. Translating this we see they really mean:

Vanessa:  “Jeez will you dump that slut already???”

Nick: “Not yet, I am not done having my fun with her but stick around as I have plans for you too.”

So we know right away that we will be seeing more of Corinne. Next have  a Corinne  intervention of sorts with two of the other  ladies- Sarah and  Taylor ( a Johns Hopkins grad who wants to make sure everyone in Bachelor Nation doesn’t forget that ). Sarah urges  Corinne to respect the others (fat chance of that happening) given Corinne slept thru a rose ceremony and followed that up with some provocative “bouncing around” with Nick in front of all the candidates. The lovely lassies urge Corinne to “pull it together “. In her defense, President Coolidge reportedly took a nap every day and Corinne mentions Abraham Lincoln and Michael Jordan as Hall of Fame nappers. I have to believe there are very few sentences ever written that place Abe Lincoln, Michael Jordan and Corinne together but welcome to the bachelor recap! 

Corinne 

The producers have prepared Nick and the ladies for  a group date and two one on one dates  in Nick’s hometown of Waukesha , Wisconsin  As s a side item of interest,  Richard Sears , a founder of Sears and Roebuck was in ill health and moved to Waukesha in 1908 for "the waters" . However, the waters were not enough as he  died a few years later and his  former company is now on life support as well  getting Last Rites about now  On the plus side though, Frank Caliendo,  the impressionist/ comedian hails from Waukesha  and he is always fun.

Back in Waukesha, Nick has a bite with his parents who have been down this road before and seem to be out of gas. They seem to want their son to find love. But true love has eluded Nick to this point  despite his having enough ex-girlfriends to make an NBA player jealous. Nick offers he has a lot of love in his heart and has high hopes for this journey to end with a true love .Nick offers a tear and soon Mom starts with tears. You would think they were sending him to fight in Stalingrad in the winter of 1943 by the look of anguish at the table. Dad offers:”we don’t want to see you on the show again.” . A sentiment with which I heartily agree.

Nick's Mom in tears

Danielle L our current top seed gets the first one-on-one date. Historically, the producers bring out helicopters, beautiful beaches, yachts and the like but today we are going to tour the hometown of Nick the Weasel. We get cookies, run into an old ex of Nick ( they seem to be spawning -they are everywhere)  and walk around a field where Nick recalls “good times”.  I keep waiting to hear the stories where the other kids took his lunch money but he sugar coats his “glory days” and we advance to dinner. At this time, bachelor nation prepares to hear the heartache as some sort of tragedy has to be conveyed to show how understanding and sensitive our bachelor can be. Danielle reports her parents are divorced which is surely difficult issue but against the scale of other bachelor background heartache/ tragedies this news  merits a shrug. Danielle L seems at ease with Nick but I sense Nick has not moved much beyond admiring her looks.

Danielle 

At this point, my Bachelors Tourette’s  syndrome emerges and start talking to the TV. I recognize this show is essentially a mate selection process and our bachelor is in effect scouting the field for a potential mate.  However, in scouting a baseball player, there is more to an evaluation of a player than his physical skills, work ethic and temperament. There are intangibles to consider. In this case-Danielle L and Nick - I feel the intangibles are missing.  With that, your faithful correspondent predicts the following: “Danielle L is not going to make it to the final rose but has a shot to be the next Bachelorette.  Then again, what kind of intangibles should one look for to be compatible with a weasel?

Our next one-on-one is with Raven. Raven  is a 25-year-old entrepreneur from  Arkansas. Raven's date involves going to a youth soccer game featuring g Nick's young sister. Of course , the youngster scores  a goal that bring the joyous couple to their feet and mercifully  the couple moves on to the romantic portion of the date. We get to dinner and I await the disaster. Already we have had a drug overdose and death in the family and Raven  from Arkansas seems ready to deliver. I start to ponder and think – 25 years old … Arkansas – first name of Raven - I think I know - Bill Clinton is her secret daddy!   However,  we are not so fortunate. Instead we hear how she walked in on her now ex-boyfriend *playing* with another woman.  Whoa – Nick is very interested in this situation. I recall that just  in 1974 did Texas repeal a law that allowed a spouse to kill a third party when caught *playing* with one’s spouse. (Yes, that is true)  Arkansas is not far from Texas and we hear how young Raven  then beat her boyfriend with the woman's stiletto. Nick seems more animated now than he has been all show and I cannot help but wonder how he sees this situation. Raven gets a rose and gets a boost in the fantasy pools around the country. I can imagine that she would be quite formidable in the two-on-one dates. 

We get a moment of a discussion between Nick and Alexis , the chick from New Jersey  that represents she is an aspiring dolphin trainer even as the difference between a shark and a dolphin seems to elude  her. Nick ever the demanding interviewer while he pursues love , poses the question of "What frightens you the most?"

Alexis answers  "Nichols Cage"  and second  ..aliens.   Whoa, aliens  are seeded behind Nicholas Cage? OK I agree "Wicker Man"  was pretty weak but ConAir wasn't bad .. and seeding Aliens  behind Nicholas Cage seems off.. I have not decided if Alexis is really funny or really wacky . Maybe we will find out soon .

Nicholas Cage - on a good day  

I think the aliens  should be seeded higher than Nicholas cage 

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