'“Love is like a child, That longs for everything it can come by”- Shakespeare Two Gentlemen of Verona or anything to do with Corinne

A Group Date  

Chris Harrison starts the episode off with a warning to the contestants that Nick’s attention will be limited given the two group dates and a one on one slated for the today's action. Chris ratchets up the tension in the room but soon we hear the first group date involves the Back Street Boys. We meet the “boys” who are now about mid 40’s and I wonder if they are going to appeal to any of the girls with daddy issues. But off we go to dance practice where my front runner  on  the leader-board Danielle L  wins over the crowd and Nick with her dance skills and actual dancer Jasmine  gets annoyed she doesn’t win the rose while lamenting  her prospects are diminishing .Nick meanwhile is already looking ahead to making his debut on Dancing with the Stars. 

Nick preps for Dancing with the Stars 

But our villain Corrine ( who represents herself as running  a million dollar business)  struggles with what she calls “planned dancing “. When she is out of step and outside her confidence zone ( which seems to be limited to provoking  Nick to appreciate  her physical assets ) she does what all entrepreneurs that run million dollar companies  facing challenges do – go to the bathroom and have a good cry  and get into some varsity level whining .

At this point Corinne is generating about as much sympathy from Bachelor Nation as evil financier George Warleggan in Poldark (a BBC series I enjoy).  My top seed Danielle L wins a rose and skates to the next round and I think the final four.

George Warleggan- Poldark 

Shortly after this Corinne acknowledges to her housemates she has a nanny named Raquel who handles chores for our villain because doing things for Corinne make Raquel so happy.  We have an official Bunny Boiler Alert now as this chick is so far out of touch Chris Harrison ought to issue a protection order to any Bachelors or humans that meet her.

Corinne is our bunny boiler  

Next, we have a one on one with top three seed Vanessa.  Nick the weasel takes Vanessa on a zero gravity plane. After floating around, Vanessa finds this floating does not agree with her and tosses her lunch into a handy barf bag (those producers have foresight!). Although it has been a while since my “shopping” days, I tried to recall if any “candidates” for the Moriarty sweepstakes” ever dropped lunch.

None comes to mind but I imagine, if I were I to be in a situation where “lunch” arrived I might be prone to offer some gum.  I might have added some background about the history of chewing gum. We all know about the Alamo where General Santa Anna led the Mexicans to overcome Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie and their pals at the Alamo.  Less well known however, is that after General Sam Houston took Santa Anna prisoner in 1836, Santa Anna chewed Chicle to quit his nerves.  Chicle is a dried sap from Sapodilla trees native to jungles in Mexico and Central and South America. After his pardon /release, Santa Anna travelled to New York City where he brought along a big supply of chicle. Perhaps he coined the phrase do not leave home without it that American Express “borrowed”.    As fate has it, one day Santa Anna was having a chew in front of an American inventor named Thomas Adams. Thomas tried to use the chicle as a rubber substitute but failed. Then Adams learned that Santa Anna skipped back to Mexico and left Adams with the bill for storing the chicle. Adams and his son Horatio experimented with the chicle and eventually mixed it with other ingredients and sold little rubber chews   to a druggist who sold them at a penny each. There were a success and another son expanded the sales territory all over the east. Soon Adams added licorice to the gum and sold the flavor as Black Jack.  By 1880, many people were making gum and Edward Beeman entered the market with a peppermint-flavored gum. The gum is still sold today.

 Santa Anna 

However, Nick the weasel is not much into history and instead uses his “go to move “in all situations -- he leans in to kiss Vanessa. Vanessa goes along even as I imagine she is thinking, “What can this guy be thinking – I just threw up”.  I doubt she was pondering the history of chewing gum. Over dinner, Vanessa tells Nick a story about losing her grandfather recently but seeing a rose in the limo was a sign to go on the show Nick eventually tears up and gives her a rose. It seems the standard for getting rose now includes barfing and crying but hey, Vanessa is a top four seed and is feeling the love. She even convinces us she is sane so there is that going for her.   

Vanessa and Nick chatting 

We open the door for anther handful of contestants on a group date in a track and field evert called the “Nick-athalon”. This group does not exude athleticism. Nevertheless, we have Olympic heroes around to help pave the way.  Rachel , who enjoys  a spot near the top of the leaderboard,   offers that she “would love  to track and field Nick all day”   which makes me wonder how much  I may  be out of touch with millennials  but I let it go and she makes it to the final of the dash portion of today’s program. The producers offer incentive to our runners by offering the winner a hot tub session with Nick. This goal makes everyone giddy as the producers have somehow managed to get a hot tub on the track. The winner is the first to grab a wrist sized “ring” and gets the privilege of joining the weasel in the hot tub.

Nickathletes

Rachel races by Alexis ( the Jersey chick who can’t tell the difference between  a shark and a dolphin ) and Astrid  who I think is the one who introduced herself to Nick in the opening week  by offering  the information she wasn’t wearing any underwear .  Well Rachel wins the race by yards but flies by the ring only to recover and return but step on it as up last Astrid grabs it and races to the tub.  I tend to think we should throw the flag here and get a review from the NFL but Astrid puts the ball in play by jumping in the hot tub with her tracksuit on.

We all know Nick has been on the Bachelor long enough to appreciate hot tub skills and we head to the finish line of the show with Astrid getting points for class participation

Nick later on hosts a cocktail party and we meet Dominque who has been drinking and whining about not getting a window to gush over Nick. Nick listens for a few minutes and pulls the trigger sending Dominique on her way even as JV level players on the Bachelor recognize  alone time with the Bachelor is officially a  no whining zone  especially when there at 20 others ready to gush over how wonderful the weasel  is and make out under the slightest provocation.

We still have 20 candidates and I think there are few I have not seen. Nevertheless, Nick will have to get to work and handle the hard job of getting down to 15 or so. I still seed Danielle L as our top seed with Vanessa and Rachel a “toss up “(get it? Ok maybe I did push it a bit here but we are talking the Bachelor here not global warming).

Who's  your nanny? 

I can’t imagine Corinne  staying long but Nick being Nick has already imagined  the nanny to be a 22 year old Swedish blonde bombshell  and what that may combination may offer  so she sticks around because Nick is “open minded”.  However, if were to learn anything from this it is that 24 year old with a nanny is  going to be  “Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction level”  of  high maintenance.

 The original Bunny Boiler